Delicate Balance: Pistachio Rosewater Cupcakes

On Monday I will have my 16 week appointment at the ob/gyn.  The good news is that this is becoming more real to me by the day.  While I still haven't told my mother, people are starting to notice my not-so-flat stomach, so we've had to let them in on the news.  Everyone has been gushingly happy (though few of those people know about our losses), and I'm starting to realize that there is a cult of expectation growing around me, people who fully anticipate me having a live child in January.

I'm starting to think about the laundry, the diapers, the feedings ... everything we've left behind as Ian has gotten older.  I'm starting to worry that I'm not ready to do this again, that I will lose years of Ian growing up because I'm simply trying to keep my head above water, that this next child will only get half of my attention from the beginning.  I watch myself cooking and folding laundry at midnight, knowing that it will be even harder to manage it all.

Then again, I probably don't need to be baking pistachio rosewater cupcakes, which is what I was doing last night at midnight. 

We had more or less invited ourselves over to a colleague of S.'s today, to visit and swim in their pool (though I use the word "swim" loosely here, since Ian ... doesn't).  They are impeccable hosts, and always make an elaborate dinner when we visit, despite our protests.  We asked what we could bring, and they suggested the cupcakes they'd heard so much about.  (Really?  I thought.  How about a quart of grape tomatoes, instead?)

S. made a special request for these, after I turned down his request for the margarita cupcakes, citing the problem with a pregnant woman eating uncooked tequila, and not wanting to be left out of dessert.  They're an interesting departure from your run-of-the-mill cupcake: incredibly moist (because of the yogurt), delicate but dense, light but well-defined.  They remind me of a dessert from the Middle East, perhaps.  The nuttiness of the pistachio is a perfect complement to the floral undertones of the cake.

Maybe they're a reminder to keep all of this in perspective, to breathe, to try to strike a better balance not just when life changes again, but now, when I can practice doing so with only my sanity at stake.


Pistachio Rosewater Cupcakes

1/2 c. vanilla soy yogurt
2/3 c. soymilk
1/3 c. canola oil
3/4 c. plus 2 T. sugar
1-2 T. rosewater
1 c. plus 2 T. flour (you probably want to go with plain old white here)
2 T. cornstarch
1/2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. baking soda
1/4 t. salt
generous pinch cardamom
1/3 chopped pistachios

Preheat oven to 350.  Line muffin pan with 12 liners.  In a large bowl, whisk yogurt, milk, oil, sugar and rosewater.  Sift in flour, cornstarch, baking soda, baking powder, cardamom and salt.  Fill liners 3/4 full.  Bake 20-22 minutes.  Transfer to wire rack and let cool.  Frost.

Rosewater Frosting

1/4 c. + 1 T. margarine (Earth Balance)
1/4 c. + 1 T. shortening (Earth Balance)
2 c. powdered sugar
2 T. soymilk
1/2 t. rosewater

Beat margarine and shortening until fluffy.  Beat in powdered sugar VERY slowly (so you don't have an explosion in the kitchen); add soymilk and rosewater.  Beat again until fluffy.  Add more powdered sugar if you need to stiffen the frosting, but try refrigerating it, too, before you go overboard here.  You could add just a little bit of red food coloring if you were feeling like it.

Sprinkle with additional chopped pistachios if desired.