And then there's the job scene. It turns out that I did, indeed, nail that interview. I've had a tentative offer, and I'm going to talk with them about numbers tomorrow. The down side is that the numbers are not good. It's a grant, and they have a limited budget. Like, $20K less than I was making limited. And I'd need to pay for another child in day care (part of the craziness has been the search for, and interviews with, potential in-home day care providers), which makes the numbers look even worse. And it's a grade lower, though that's a blow to my ego. On the plus side, they are good people. And it's an important project. The question is whether it's the right decision for me. I'm still not sure ... and am hoping I get some clarity, in a hurry.
In the meantime, one of our best friends was diagnosed with heart failure. He is only a few years older than I am, and in incredible shape: runs half marathons without sweating, bikes miles and miles without a second thought, swims ... and is the energetic stay at home dad to two truly wonderful kids, aged 2 and 5. It was such a shock to hear the news, and right now, it's hard to think of anything else. Though today he's doing better, and his heart is beating on its own, there is still the possibility of a transplant, and even without that, the figuring out of what to do about help with the kids over these next few months. Though this is going to sound ridiculous, part of me doesn't want to go back to work, so that I can help take care of his kids while he heals. I've been watching my friends go through this, admiring their calm, level-headed strength, and wondering if I'd be capable of the same if I ever found myself where they are right now.
And in much more mundane news, our CSA continues to teach us to make do with what we're given. As my son says (or rather, as his teacher taught him), "you get what you get, and you don't get upset." It's been four weeks straight of not much else besides cucumbers and zucchini (and not even good produce, at that), and I've been trying to keep the menu interesting, with squash soup, zucchini frittata, calabacitas, zucchini crusted pizza, zuccanoes, zucchini pancakes (unlinked recipes coming soon) ... and these chocolate zucchini muffins. They actually turned out quite well, and I froze them, and then ... well ... defrosted them and ate them. Because they're, like, healthy. Right?In yoga this month, we were practicing Hanumanasana, which is basically a split. Years ago, when I was taking regular dance classes, I could do splits; now, I am thankful for bolsters and blankets that my teacher surreptitiously places next to us as class is in session. Hanumanasana teaches us to be completely open, but also to love where we're at instead of cursing ourselves for not getting it "right." It symbolizes (and actually looks like) a leap of devotion, not necessarily to another, but possibly to ourselves, understanding that knowing deep love and knowing our highest selves is one in the same. So much of where I am right now is mid-leap. Perhaps that's the same for all of us?
Chocolate Zucchini Muffins
2 eggs
2 cups shredded zucchini
1 3/4 cup flour
1 cup buttermilk
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup oil
1/2 cup cocoa
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon cloves
1/4 teaspoon allspice
Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour or line 12 wells in a muffin tin. Set aside. In a large bowl, mix together the eggs, oil and buttermilk. Add in all of the dry ingredients, including spices. Mix thoroughly. Stir in zucchini. Fill the prepared wells about 3/4 of the way. Bake 30-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the center muffin comes out mostly clean.
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