One of the things that Facebook feeds are good for are links to Yahoo articles that leave you open-mouthed in disbelief. I don't make a habit of reading Yahoo, but a few weeks ago one of my friends posted this bit of news, about a mother who was arrested for letting her kids play outside, unsupervised.
Really? I thought. Arrested?
I. comes home from school now at around 3:45, and dinner isn't until 5. Most times we do homework and then I'm outside with him for a bit, but sometimes I go in with N. for a few minutes to make dinner, and I let him ride his bike up and down the sidewalk from our house to the corner of the street. It's a distance I think is safe; I can still see him if I put my head out the door, and we have an agreement, which he abides by, that every few laps he'll come stick his head in the door and say hello if he hasn't seen me in the past several minutes.
Our street is a well-populated, not very busy suburban street. We know all of the neighbors for two blocks in every direction. I. relishes this freedom, I know ... he goes off on his bike, beaming. I feel like it's a way to build trust; I give him a little bit, and in turn, he appreciates that trust and becomes more responsible.
But then things happen, like the horrible tragedy of Jessica Ridgeway, whose body, it was confirmed today, was found, not intact, in a park not even ten miles from her home.
To say that my heartfelt condolences go out to the family wouldn't begin to describe how I feel. Jessica's community is in my heart tonight, and I know that tomorrow I will hold my children's hands a little tighter again.
I still think that it's important to give our children small freedoms, in order for them to cultivate responsibility. I talk with my son extensively about being safe, and going with people he knows, and staying close to home so that I can see him and yell for him. But at some point, that, too will change. If I'm looking over their shoulders all of the time, how will my children learn to feel independent? So many of the students I used to see at the university where I worked had parents in tow, still looking over their shoulders at age 17. They would come to campus at a moment's notice to stand up for their children, even if their children had been the ones doing wrong, or failing out of school; they would claim that their children were not responsible. And you know what? They were right. Those children were not responsible; that was precisely the problem.
On the other hand, how do we make sure that they are safe?
We can't, of course. So we do what we can do: we prepare them to live in a world where they can control their own actions, even if they can't control the actions of others.
Really? I thought. Arrested?
I. comes home from school now at around 3:45, and dinner isn't until 5. Most times we do homework and then I'm outside with him for a bit, but sometimes I go in with N. for a few minutes to make dinner, and I let him ride his bike up and down the sidewalk from our house to the corner of the street. It's a distance I think is safe; I can still see him if I put my head out the door, and we have an agreement, which he abides by, that every few laps he'll come stick his head in the door and say hello if he hasn't seen me in the past several minutes.
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| Photo by flickr user vastateparkstaff through Creative Commons license |
But then things happen, like the horrible tragedy of Jessica Ridgeway, whose body, it was confirmed today, was found, not intact, in a park not even ten miles from her home.
To say that my heartfelt condolences go out to the family wouldn't begin to describe how I feel. Jessica's community is in my heart tonight, and I know that tomorrow I will hold my children's hands a little tighter again.
I still think that it's important to give our children small freedoms, in order for them to cultivate responsibility. I talk with my son extensively about being safe, and going with people he knows, and staying close to home so that I can see him and yell for him. But at some point, that, too will change. If I'm looking over their shoulders all of the time, how will my children learn to feel independent? So many of the students I used to see at the university where I worked had parents in tow, still looking over their shoulders at age 17. They would come to campus at a moment's notice to stand up for their children, even if their children had been the ones doing wrong, or failing out of school; they would claim that their children were not responsible. And you know what? They were right. Those children were not responsible; that was precisely the problem.
On the other hand, how do we make sure that they are safe?
We can't, of course. So we do what we can do: we prepare them to live in a world where they can control their own actions, even if they can't control the actions of others.
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